


he's in the rain

by bang_hyerim



Category: Pentagon (Korea Band), SEVENTEEN (Band), Super Junior, iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Age Changes, Angst, Established Relationship, F/M, Fire, I'm not good at tagging, M/M, Multi, Other, Platonic Relationships, Possible Character Death, Rain, Sad, Secret Relationship, Tags May Change, change in the end, i'm sorry shinwon, inspired by she's in the rain, please give it a shot even though i can't tag, there a family, there's more than just dawn and hyuna i promisse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-20
Updated: 2020-04-08
Packaged: 2021-02-27 12:46:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 28
Words: 18,881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22327303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bang_hyerim/pseuds/bang_hyerim
Summary: "because maybe if i'm in the rain i'll have something to drown in other than my thoughts"shinwon loves the rain.  the rain is his friend. but what about when his brothers find out that his love for the rain goes deeper than what meets the eye.[UNDER EDITING]
Relationships: Kim Hyojong | E'Dawn/Kim Hyuna
Comments: 4
Kudos: 5





	1. do you hear me?

the rain is enchanting  
gives him an escape  
lets him breathe  
one, in  
two  
three  
four  
five, out  
repeat  
his eyes chasing the raindrops  
down his bedroom window  
lets his mind have a break  
all he can think about is the rain

***

"shinwon!" hongseok smiled jumping over to the younger.

"hi hyung" shinwon faked a smile. 

"it's raining today" the elder commented. 

"i know hyung" shinwon said. 

do you have an umbrella?" he asked concerned. 

"i have one hyung~" shinwon smiled. 

shinwon is the middle kid. five older brothers, four younger ones. he didn't have many friends so he made friends with the rain. the rain didnt judge him. 

not the way people did. 

"hurry up hyung~~ i wanna see my friends" thirteen year old hyunggu whined. 

"one second hyunggu." shinwon smiled at his brother. he loved his brothers so much. 

"i just need to put my shoes on then i'll drive you and whoever else is ready to school." he smiled sitting down to put down his combat boots. 

"i think yuto is" hyunggu smiled at his hyung. 

two of the kids were adopted in shinwon's family, yuto and yanan. then there is two sets of twins. he made sure he had his coat, phone, umbrella, wallet, and car keys. 

"yuto!" shinwon shouted making said boy dash down stairs. 

"hyungs! i'm taking hyunggu and yuto to school." shinwon announced making sure the boys had all their stuff. 

"okay! mom and dad should be home after school." hwitaek yelled.

"black car." shinwon said handing the two boys an umbrella as they ran outside. 

"oh rain please save me."he mumbled as he opened his umbrella and walked outside. his tight jeans were rubbing against his cuts on his thighs. he hissed as he got in the car. 

"you two excited for school?" he asked as he buckled his seatbelt and put his stuff in the empty seat. 

"of course i am hyung! i can't wait to see my friends!" hyunggu jumped happily. 

"what about you, yuto-ah?" shinwon glanced at him through the rear view mirror. 

"i wish i could stay home." he groaned. 

"i understand yuto." the elder smiled at the boy sweetly.

"you should tell him." hyunggu whispered to yuto. 

"tell me what?" shinwon asked shocking the boys. 

"nothing hyung." yuto smiled, although his eyes were tearing up. shinwon pulled into the nearby costco parking lot. 

"what's the matter yuto?" he asked after parking the car. 

"it's okay yuto." hyunggu smiled sadly. 

"some kids at school were making fun of me for my accent." yuto mumbled. 

"they weren't just making fun of you! they slammed you to the ground!" hyunggu exclaimed exasperated, causing the five day elder to burst out crying. 

"oh yuto..." shinwon said sadly. 

"hyunggu i'm going to drop you off at school then i'm gonna take yuto home okay?' shinwon said turning back around to start the car. 

"okay hyung,"hyunggu smiled.

"hey hyojong-hyung?" shinwon called as he was parked in the school parking lot with a very upset yuto in the backseat. 

"yeah shinwon-ah?" he answered grumpily. 

"i'm gonna take yuto home, and then later he needs us to tell us something." the year younger explained. 

"okay, us older ones don't have school so let me finish dropping off changgu and yanan, and jinho has wooseok." hyojong explained before hanging up.

"want to get donuts?" he asked trying to cheer the boy up. 

yuto smiled through his tears and smiled. 

"okay," shinwon smiled at the boy pulling out the school parking lot. 

"thank you for not making me go hyung." yuto looked out the window at the rain. 

"of course yuto." he smiled looking at the boy in the back seat.

"don't tell the hyungs or eomma and appa i'm letting you eat in the car." shinwon smiled at the younger who was happily eating his maple bacon donuts, two dozen more donuts in the back seat. 

"i'm not dumb hyung~" yuto smiled. 

"i know you aren't yuto." shinwon said a little more seriously. 

"thank you again hyung." yuto smiled at his hyung.

"of course yuto, you don't need to thank me." he smiled wiping some icing off yuto's face. 

"come on, let's go inside." he said handing yuto his umbrella and grabbing all of his stuff, yuto was helping by grabiing the two boxes of donuts and closing the car doors.


	2. covered in gray fog

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys are liking this book! it is also posted on wattpad along with all my stories.  
> xoxo delaney emmerson

the rain was pounding down on the house

the noise was beautiful against 

his ears finally something 

that distracts the haunting voices

***

shinwon and yuto walked in the house, jinho immediatley helping them bring things in "hi yuto" hongseok said carefully. "hi hyung~" his voice got quiet. "why don't we talk buddy?" shinwon said sitting down on the couch, hissing when his jeans rubbed against his thighs. yuto sat down next to shinwon and looked down at the couch. "hoetaek! get off the phone!" jinho yelled at the younger. hoetaek hung up on his friend then ran downstairs and sat on the couch. 

"what's the matter buddy?" hyojong asked. "um well for a little while now um some-some kids at school have been making fun of my accent and the fact that i'm adopted while all the other kids have biological family, and i have a 'fake' family." yuto said quietly looking down at his lap. "that i should go back to japan and that i don't deserve to have a family, that i don't deserve anything. they s-slam me into the ground a-a-and they tried to choke me." yuto explained crying, shocking nor only the other boys but shinwon as well. "is there anything else?" hongseok asked looking at the younger. "they-they said if i told anyone they would try to hurt my friends..." yuto explained simply. 

the four older boys were talking excluding shinwon from trying to help yuto who was resting in his room. "i-i have an idea?" shinwon said his voice shaky. "what do you want shinwon?" jinho hissed harshly. "i have an-an idea." he stated. "just go up stairs shinwon." hoetaek sighed. shinwon zipped his lips and ran upstairs, tears pricking his brown eyes. 

as he was staring at the rain drops sliding down the window he had his own rain drops sliding his face. he was trying to be quiet as yuto was in the next room. he cursed himself for being so useless. what was wrong with him? why did he feel like this? he didn't know, but the rain understood him. he was listening to music as he sold out his heart to the rain. he scratched at his thighs, loving the way it burned. 

someone knocked at his door. he wiped his eyes harshly mumbling a "come in too who ever was on the other side of the door. the door opened revealing four apologetic hyungs. "hey hyungs~" shinwon said faking a smile to his hyungs. "you don't have to fake a smile shinwon." jinho said harshly. shinwon let his smile waver as rain drops pricked his eyes once again. " 'm sorry hyung" shinwon said looking down at his jeans which were slightly wet with blood stains. "you aren't in trouble shinwon." hoetaek said walking over to the younger. "but why did you get upset?" he asked as he sat down next to the younger. trying to hug him but the movement making him flinch.

"i don't know hyung." shinwon lied looking at the elder apologetically. "that's a lie" hongseok said simply looking at the boy. "why. did. you. get. upset?" jinho said harshly. " 'cause you don't include me in anything. i was trying to be a good hyung and a good younger brother by trying to help you guys with yuto, but you guys yelled at me and told me to go away." shinwon shook trying not to cry out a waterfall. "shinwon you're too young-" hyojong started but shinwon cut him off. "i am not too young hyung. i am sixteen years old. i am not a baby." he said feeling his anxiety rise through the roof. "shinwon don't argue." jinho said. shinwon glared at his hyung. "if you don't want to listen to me then get out." he said. "you can't just kick us out!" hoetaek yelled. "get the hell out of my room." shinwon said his voice breaking. "we ar-" jinho started. "i said get the hell out of my room!" he yelled pushing the boys out of his door. the boys sighed and left to their own rooms. shinwon broke down crying after locking his room door. he slid down the door and started thinking about what he should do.


	3. a gloomy day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ENJOY   
> xoxo delaney emmerson

the rain was pounding his head

the rain was fitting the voices

but it wasn't loud enough

the voices were winning

***

shinwon acted upon impulse and grabbed a suit case from under his bed, he started shoving his things into it while he sobbed. no one wanted him here then why should he be here? he made sure he had his necessities before opening his bedroom window and zipping his suit case to be sure it was closed. he heard his hyungs and yuto talking downstairs. he saw the opprotunity and jumped out the window with his stuff and started walking, if he took the car people would notice. 

shinwon was walking down a sketchy street, homeless people and dangerous people littering the streets, his clothes were drenched in rain and his hair lay flat on his head. he had been catcalled three times in the past hour he had been walking. his face was emotionless. his heart holding all the emotions for him. his phone started ringing, out of enstinct he grabbed it to see who it was, it was yanan. his thumb hovered over the answer button but he didn't press it. rather he hit the ignore button and pocketed his phone. 

"hmm that's weird shinwon-hyung isn't answering." yanan said as he got on the bus with his friend jun. "probaly busy." jun said simply. "yeah~" yanan giggled happily. "how is little chan doing in middle school?" yanan asked. "he's liking it." jun answered looking at the other lovingly. "wait one second junnie, hyung is calling" yanan said answering hongseok's phone call. after the phone call was done yanan stayed quiet. "what's the matter?" jun asked holding the boys hand tightly. "shinwon-hyung ran away from home." yanan said looking at elder. "oh my god, i'll tell my family to be on the look out." jun said pulling out his phone and going to his family group chat.

shinwon had two hundred dollars in his wallet, as he was walking he saw a gas station, he grabbed a few drinks and snacks and looked at the wall behind the cashier. "will be this all?" the young man asked, "c-can i have a pack of marbolo's too?" he asked quietly. "of course, your total is $12.78" the man smiled grabbing a pack for the man. "um i need a lighter too" he laughed. "don't worry about that." the man said handing the younger one of his own lighters, one with his number on it.

shinwon smirked and payed for his things before going outside to smoke. he liked the feeling as it burned his lungs. he took out his phone and added the number on the lighter to his phone. he sent the man a text as he walked with the cigarette in between his teeth. he sent a message along the lines of "i'm the guy you gave your lighter too." he sat down in abandoned building he had found earlier. the guy started hitting on him. shinwon felt bad when he was talking to the man but it felt so good to have attention. and then he found out how old the man was. the cuteboy from the store was double shinwon's age. he was thirty two. shinwon sighed and thought long and hard about what he should do.

shinwon stopped answering the man, and instead started scrolling through his instagram. looking back at all the fun photos he had saved. one of his favorites was when they had just adopted yuto. yuto, wooseok, and kino were two in the photo, yanan was four, shinwon was five, hongseok and hyojong were six, hoetaek was seven and jinho was eight. they were at the water park, yanan, hongseok, hyojong, and hoetaek were splashing jinho excitedly, yuto and kino were giggling at wooseok who was having trouble swimming towards their eomma and appa. and shinwon was playing alone under the sprinklers, it reminded him of the rain. as he stared at it more he realised how out of place he was. had he really always been out of place? his hyungs were in school so they needed attention, his younger brothers were very young, yanan and yuto had just been adopted they needed attention and along the way shinwon got pushed out of the picture.


	4. i'm afraid i'm blind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much whoever is reading this story! I'll try to keep an update schedule but no promises lol  
> xoxo delaney emmerson

the rain is a comfort  
let's him breathe  
let's him stay calm  
the smell of smoke and rain  
intoxicating his nostrils

***

shinwon looked at his phone silently reading all the concerned messages being sent. but he believed they were fake, that his head was playing tricks on him. his mind does it a lot he wouldn't be shocked. he scratched at his thighs, feeling a few scabs open, bleeding through his black jeans. he smiled at the look of the blood through the his jeans. it felt good. it let him be free. and then he looked up, about thirty feet away stood his desk mate, joshua. "shit," shinwon cursed staring at the younger. the nineteen day younger walked over to shinwon and sat down. "if i'm being honest, i would've thought you would've ran away a lot sooner." joshua said softly. shinwon stayed silent. "i saw the way you were left out, but you are such a good hyung to your little bros. and i think your hyungs could learn a thing or too from you." joshua smiled, glancing at the rain covered boy next to him.

"my hyungs didn't care that i was missing did they?" shinwon asked simply. "they were very worried but to be honest, your little brothers were more worried." joshua said his hand interlaced with shinwon's. "yanan cried didn't he?" shinwon asked squeezing joshua's hand. "he cried so hard." joshua shook his head. "i need to go comfort him." shinwon said standing up, his pack of cigarettes and lighter falling out of his jacket. "those aren't good for you." joshua said helping the boy grab his stuff. "it's just one pack." shinwon said picking them up. 

shinwon walked into his house behind joshua before immediately running over to yanan and wooseok who were sobbing into eachother. paying no attention to his hyungs but instead making sure the younger ones knew he was safe. "i'm so sorry." he said hugging his younger brothers tightly. "it's fine hyung." they all said. hongseok quietly approached shinwon his face apologetic. shinwon hugged his hyung tightly. and the elder reacted by putting his arms around shinwon as well. "wow hyung you really are ripped." shinwon mumbled causing hongseok to laugh. hyojong, jinho, and hoetaek stayed at the side.

yanan and wooseok clung onto shinwon, they didn't want him to leave. he stayed on th couch with both boys asleep on him. "shinwon." jinho said sitting down next to the boy. "yes hyung?" shinwon said looking down at the two boys in his lap. "i am so sorry." jinho said sincerely. shinwon looked at the boy. "hyung can i ask you a question?" shinwon said looking at jinho. jinho nodded, "you know how we have everyone's birth certificates. why have i never seen mine?" shinwon asked. jinho sucked in a breath, "shinwon the reason why is because when you were about two, i was five and hoetaek was four. and we were messing around in appa's office and ripped a bunch of papers up, and one of those papers was your birth certificate." jinho explained. "wow this whole time i thought i was adopted or something but no, you and hyung were just annoying toddlers." shinwon laughed.

jinho and shinwon stayed on the couch, "do you forgive me shinwon?" jinho asked looking at the two sleeping boys. "hyung no. no i don't." shinwon said that causing jinho to get upset. "you forgave hongseok!" jinho yelled at the younger. "hongseok hyung didn't do anything wrong, that's why i forgave him." he stated running his fingers through wooseok curly hair. "fuck off shinwon." jinho yelled running upstairs.

shinwon gently shook yanan and wooseok awake, "i love you guys but i gotta pee." he mumbled as the two youngsters got off his lap. while he was walking towards the bathroom he passed by jinho's room. his hyung was holding onto his phone and face timing his girlfriend, his eyes looked tear stained. shinwon walked into the bathroom,

when shinwon walked out of the bathroom jinho's door was closed. he sighed and sat down leaning against it, he felt bad he hurt his hyung. his hyung didn't deserve the pain. but shinwon felt that he deserved the pain rather than his hyung. and with the cigarettes and lighter in his pocket he went behind the house in the rain.


	5. i've lost interest in everyhting

the ghosts are calling  
the swing goes back and forth  
his head sees the rain  
hears the rain  
feels the rain  
the rain is weak now  
and now it's gone  
loneliness is coming

***

shinwon came back inside, jinho's door was still closed. shinwon looked at the door. there was an old picture hanging on it, one of the family, except shinwon wasn't in the photo. jinho had him take the photo instead. shinwon did it willingly, he was only nine at the time. he was innocent then.

shinwon recived a call, and he answered it. "hey shinwon" the scratchy voice said, it was heeyoung, the man he met at the gas station. "hi hyung~" shinwon smiled sitting on the couch opposite of hyojong and hoetaek. "wanna come over wonnie?" heeyoung asked. "i'll be over soon hyung~" he laughed. "i have a surprise for you." heeyoung said his voice cocky. "okay. i'm on my way," shinwon hung up with a smile.

"where are you going?" hoetaek asked when the boy hung up, shinwon stayed silent and glared at the elder. "yanan! wooseok! yuto! hyunggu! changgu! i'm leaving!" he yelled upstairs. the five youngsters yelled back saying goodbye.

shinwon walked over to heeyoung shyly. "shinwonnie~" the man hugged the sixteen year younger tightly. "hyung~" shinwon responded. the elder made shinwon feel so bad but he loved it. "it's a good thing your here..." heeyoung started to bite shinwon's colar bone. shinwon didn't try to stop him.

shinwon should have tried to stop him. "stop stop hyung stop please stop." he cried, his memories were replaying as he layed on the ground outside heeyoung's place. he wiped his tears before he started walking. he couldn't let anyone know what heeyoung did to him.

shinwon was met with his eomma's and appa's car he knew just by the feeling of the house that someone had told them that he ran. he opened the door slowly. "hello eomma and appa." he smiled walking in. "hi shinwon." they smiled up at him, did they really not tell them? he smiled at his hyungs before badly-trying-to-hide-limping- up the stairs. 

"you have a limp are you okay?" hyojong asked. "i'm fine hyung" shinwon faked a smile. "let me know if something is happening, okay?" the elder said smiling at the year younger, "i will hyung, promise." shinwon lied through his teeth. "okay, i'm going out with hyuna, yanan, changgu, and wooseok are asleep in your room." hyojong said grabbing his jacket. shinwon nodded as he felt his phone vibrate. 

"hey shua." shinwon answered the boy whom had called him. "hey wonnie, can jun and i come over? jun wants to see his boyfr-" joshua was cut off by a a loud scream from jun 'he's not my boyfriend!', "jun wants-wants to s-see ya-yanan." joshua laugheed out of breath. "yeah come over shua." shinwon laughed hanging up. 

joshua and jun arrived at the house and politley greeted shinwon's parents before going their own ways, jun to yanan and the other boys, joshua to shinwon. "how ya feeling buddy?" joshua asked the few day elder. "i'm a'right." shinwon lied. "okay now tell me the truth." joshua said strictly. "i'm not a'right." shinwon looked at his lap. "i could kinda tell that." joshua giggled cutely. shinwon's face lit up at the sound of joshua's giggle, causing he himself to giggle as well.

"hyojong, listen to me." hyuna said to the upset boy in front of her, hyojong nodded looking at the elder. "shinwon doesn't hate you, he's upset with you but he doesn't hate you." hyuna said sternly. "could you get shinwon please?" hyojong begged his girlfriend, hyuna nodded before going downstairs. "shinwon-ah, hyojong wants to talk to you." hyuna smiled at the younger. "just one second noona. i'll be right back shua." shinwon said standing up to go talk to hyojong. 

"what's up hyung?" shinwon asked looking at his upset hyung. "hyojong here thinks you hate him." hyuna explained. "what?! i could never hate you hyung. i'm sorry you guys had to come back early from your date by the way." shinwon smiled, a real smile, a rare sight. "it's fine shinwonnie~" hyojong said hugging his brother, whom had flinched harshly at the use of "shinwonnie~" hyojong however didn't notice and continued to hug the boy.


	6. do you hear me?

the rain is gone

the voices

are getting stronger

but an angel is

noticing them

noticing the voices that is

but i don't think the angel

is noticing me

***

shinwon sat back down next to joshua after talking to hyojong. "what's wrong shinwon?" joshua asked right away, "nothing shua, everything is fine." shinwon faked a smile easily. "okay now truth." shua said again. "something happened." shinwon looked down at him and joshua's intertwined hands. "what exactly happened shinwonnie?" joshua asked. shinwon let go of joshua's hand, his eyes shaking with fear. "i'm sorry shinwon, i won't call you that. i won't hurt you." joshua said slowly looking in shinwon's eyes. shinwon took a few deep breaths. "it's okay shua." he mumbled re-locking their hands. "can you ask seungcheol-hyung and jeonghan-hyung if you can stay the night? maybe jun too?" shinwon asked still looking in his lap ashamed. "of course." joshua mumbled taking out his phone with his free hand.

"hello, hyung?" wonwoo answered when he saw joshua's contact pop up on seungcheol's phone. "hey wonwoo. is seungcheol or jeonghan there?" joshua asked coolly. "jeonghan is cooking and seungcheol is in the shower, i can yell at him through the bathroom door for you." wonwoo explained looking at the sleeping minghao using him as a pillow. "could you woo?" joshua asked, "yeah of course, just one sec gotta get haohoa off me with out waking him." he said slowly shuffling off the bed, being sure not to wake up the year-ish younger. "what should i ask him?" wonwoo asked. "ask him if jun and i can stay the night at shinwon's house." joshua asked squeezing shinwon's hand. "hyung! shua-hyung wants to know if he and jun can spend the night!" wonwoo yelled through the bathroom door. "tell him he can just make sure him and jun come home before two p.m. tomorrow!" seungcheol yelled back the door. "he says you can just be home before two p.m. tomorrow." wonwoo reported back. "okay thank you wonwoo." joshua said hanging up on the younger.

"yay..." shinwon whispered squeezing joshua's hand. "jun! we're staying the night!!" joshua yelled upstairs. shinwon's parents were going on a buisness trip, leaving hongseok, hyojong, hoetaek, and jinho in charge. but obviously hyojong and jinho were gonna go out with their girlfriends, then hoetaek would be at a friends, leaving hongseok in charge and shinwon less irritated.

joshua and shinwon were laying in shinwon's bed, shinwon near the wall and joshua at the edge. shinwon scooted as close to the edge as he could, trying to give joshua enough room. "i have plenty of room shinwon." joshua giggled moving closer to the room. "are you sure?" shinwon asked his face heating up. "i am." joshua said squeezing shinwon's hand. "i'm not taking up to much room am i?" shinwon asked nervously. "no you're actually quite skinny shinwon." joshua reassured sadly. shinwon made a noise of disbelief.

"yanan?" jun asked the taller boy next to him. "yeah jun?" yanan asked the elder. "yo-you're really nice." jun blushed causing yanan to also blush a soft pink. "thank you junhui." yanan whispered cutely, "you're aju nice, as well." yanan complimented. "oh wow i'm bad with words..." jun mumbled looking down at his hands, trying to think of how to say this. "i'm sure whatever you are trying to tell me will comes out perfectly." yanan reassured, patting the elders knee to comfort him. "yanan... i really don't know how to say this..." jun trailed off looking at the ceiling, his breath shaking. "say it the way you feel the best," yanan smiles his cute smile. "okay if that's how you think," jun started, "yanan i, i think, no i am in love with you... i understand if you think it's stupi-" jun was cut off. yanan grabbed his head with his right hand, his left hand on jun's shoulder. in one quick movement yanan pulled the elder on top of him and kissed him, it was a passionate kiss, not a light kiss. after about five seconds yanan bit down on jun's lip, the elder opened his mouth and a make out session ensued. "changgu-hyung! hongseok-hyung! you owe me fifteen dollars, each!" hyunggu yelled after opening yanan's door and seeing the sight.


	7. as i walked down the street, i saw a different way

the rain still isn't here  
but an angel is  
i like the angel  
he's cute  
but i don't think   
he'll like me  
***

shinwon sat up quickly after hearing hyunggu's yell. the yell also shocked joshua but not as much as it scared sinwon, it almost scared shinwon too much. joshua wrapped his arms around the boy making sure he was okay, he wasn't. but he wouldn't tell an angel that. "i mean at least yanan is getting some..." shinwon giggled happily, joshua jokingly gasping in shock. "shinwon~~"

when shinwon thought joshua was asleep he crawled off his bed and went into the bathroom. pulling his pajama pants down to expose his scarred thighs. grabbing a hidden blade to add a few more cuts. his thoughts told him he deserved this. and he believed the voices. so he drew 'x' marks all over his thighs then covering them with band aids. his eyes were filling with rain drops. 

joshua heard the thunder of shinwon's sobs. he bit his lip and thought about what to do. he could tell shinwon was trying to be quiet. but joshua still heard him. he stood up and walked over to knock on the door. "yeah, joshua?" shinwon asked quietly. "are you okay?" he asked through the door. "yeah i'm fine shua." shinwon lied his teeth clenching together as he pushed the blade harder. "okay..." joshua sighed as he walked back to the bed.

"get up sleepyhead." joshua said tickling jun's sides. yanan had called joshua to get jun off of him, as yanan didn't want to hurt the boy. "i'm up....i'm up" jun groaned getting off of yanan purposley as slow as can be. "get off me~" yanan whined cutely. jun giggled louder and decided to stay on yanan's lap although the boy had requested other wise. "josh-hyung!" yanan yelled jokingly. "yeah yanan?" joshua asked smirking. "get him off me." yanan begged looking like a goddamn puppy. "the deal was for me to wake him up, he's up, have fun with your journey." joshua giggled mischeviously. "jerk!" yanan yelled as joshua walked away. "thank you." joshua yelled back.

"what's for breakfast hyung?" shinwon asked sitting down at the kitchen counter next to changgu. "chocco pancakes with eggs and backon." hongseok smiled at the younger. "shin-" changgu started but was cut off by wooseok screaming. "what's wrong??!!" hongseok yelled running upstairs his apron still tied on his waist.

"hyung!! there's blood!" wooseok screamed as he looked at the bloody bathroom counter. "what??!" hongseok exclaimed. they had found what shinwon had done and he knew that he was dead. but to be completely honest he wouldn't care. changgu had ran upstairs to see and the other boys were already there. shinwon walked in and saw the blood on the counter he was about to break down crying.

but then hoetaek and jinho walked in. "what's wronng?" jinho rushed over dropping his bag at the door. no matter how much shinwon was mad at him he had to admit that jinho wasn't the worst brother ever. "there's blood hyung~" wooseok whined grosses out by the blood. "why?" jinho asked pushing shinwon out of the way to get a better look. shinwon fell due to the push but no one was really paying attention. he really felt the rain drops coming now, he had landed on his wrist weirdly. but he kept quiet and stood back up even with the pain in his wrist.

joshua and jun had gone home before the blood incident, thank god, but hongseok still contacted them to see if they knew anything about it. hoetaek helped jinho clean the blood and for some reason, jinho was glaring at shinwon the whole time. and that made shinwon so mad. why does his hyung hate him as much as he does? what did shinwon do wrong? shinwon has no clue but oh did he hope that jinho would tell him. he needed to fix it what ever it is.

joshua and jun knew nothing or at least said they didn't which didn't shock anyone but still shocked everyone if that makes sense, how could they not have a clue.

the rain had come again and shinwon was staring out his window. watching the rain drops fall to the ground, watering the grass in the front yard. but then he saw something that made him get up and outside immediately, a bunch of boys were beating up yuto.


	8. i turned around and saw no one

oh the rain  
he wishes it was back  
to give him comfort  
give him strength  
let him breathe  
let him be himself

***

shinwon ran other to help yuto no one, **_no one_** , hurts his brothers. espically not yoo taeyang and his gang, so shinwon did what he had to do and jumped in front of yuto he couldn't let his brother get hurt, absolutely not. shinwon used all his power and punched taeyang straight in the nose. yuto was on the ground groaning in pain. taeyang and his gang ran away and shinwon helped yuto into the house.

"hyung..." yuto groaned holding his stomach. "im sorry yuto. i need to fix what they did to you." shinwon smiled as he washed the boys wounds. "you'll be okay buddy." shinwon reassured as he dabbed the wound with running alcohol. the door creaked open revealing the other boys who were downtown. "what happened!!?" changgu yelled dropping his and yanans shopping bags before running over to yuto. "some kids were beating him up..." shinwon explained quietly, apologizing as yuto winced. "and you did nothing?!!" jinho yelled running over to check on yuto as well. shinwon stayed quiet. "hyung helped, he made them go away..." yuto groaned as shinwon continued to clean his wounds, there was a lot of rocks in them. "oh..." jinho said glancing over at shinwon who was biting his lips like he always does when focused.

"can someone get my a wet cloth?" shinwon asked, the others were silently sitting around the living room as shinwon stitched up yuto's stomach. hoetaek had taught shinwon how goo when yanan broke his head open on a coffee table two years ago. hyojong rushed to get the younger a cloth. yuto was gripping down strongly on changgu's hand. "yuto loosen your grip, okay? we don't need changgu to break his hand." hoetaek said rubbing yuto's arm. yuto loosened his grip groaning out a sorry to changgu who said it was fine.

shinwon finished stitching up yuto and sat down next to him on the couch. "you're okay. i promise." shinwon smiled towards the younger, unaware that his hyung was also smiling towards him. "thank you shinwonnie-hyung." yuto smiled, shinwon visibly flinched at the name but no one mentioned it. "of course yuto." shinwon said his voice shaky as thoughts of heeyoung reappeared in his minds.

yuto soon fell asleep and the others except for hyunggu and shinwon left. "hyung?" hyunggu called leaning his head in shinwon's shoulder. "yeah hyunggu?" shinwon asked leaning his head on top of hyunggus and his hand holding yuto's hand."i need to tell you something..." hyunggu sighed shutting his eyes tightly. "hmm?" shinwon urged. "i um i've started vaping..." he mumbled. shinwon sighed, he didn't know how to comfort him because he had became a smoker. "hyunggu...nicotine isn't good for you. we don't want you sick now do we?" shinwon said wiping hyunggus tears with his other hand. "hyung, if i stop vaping will you stop cutting?" that made shinwon's breath hitch. "what are you talking about?" shinwon asked his voice full of shock. "i found your jeans the other day and they had blood stains on them." hyunggu said looking up at shinwon. shinwon stayed quiet. "i wont tell anyone but we can get through this hyung, together." hyunggu said. "i'll make a deal with you hyunggu," shinwon said looking down towards hyunggu, "every time you vape i cut myself." hyunggu looked shocked at his hyung in shock. "and if you cut i will vape," hyunggu said. "jinho!" yuto tried to yell hearing the conversation but shinwon covered his mouth before anyone could hear. "yuto if anyone other then us three finds out we're all dead so shut up." hyunggu hissed as hoetaek walked in and they all went back to casual positions."


	9. the dreams i've been after i follow them

  
i met someone   
i think i Love him

***

"feeling better yuto?" hoetaek asked grabbing a juice box from the fridge. "yeah..." yuto glanced over to hyunggu and shinwon. "hyung?" he called causing hyunggu and shinwon to tense. "yeah yuto?" hoetaek smiled sitting down next to yuto. "shinwon has to tell you something." he said glancing up at shinwon who was showing no emotion. "yeah shinwon?" hoetaek sighed. "i have a boyfriend." shinwon blurted out just using whatever first came to his head. "oh." he said, "who?" hoetaek looked shocked. "you don't know him..." shinwon said, the younger two also looked shocked at him. "so who?" he asked again. "jiwon." shinwon said. this was gonna play out bad. "bring him over for dinner tommorow." hoetaek said standing up to go to his room.

tommorow had came and shinwon was screwed. he only knew one jiwon, but he was 97% sure he was straight. shinwon gathered courage and went over shorter. "oh shinwon!" He said his voice raspy as usual. "hey bobby..." shinwon sighed nervously. "what's up?" jiwon smiled. "i have a favor to ask you." shinwon said taking a deep breath. "yes?" he asked. "i told my hyung that i have a boyfriend to get him off my case and he said to bring him over for dinner tonight, but i don't actually have a boyfriend. so i was wondering if you could be my fake boyfriend?" shinwon asked embarrassed. "sure. this actually works out perfectly, i did something similar with my dad." jiwon smiled, "thank you so much bobby." shinwon smiled. "so let's start acting like boyfriends then." jiwon smirked interlacing his fingers with shinwon's.

from across the hall two boys were staring at them, and they were jealous. "shua, will you be my fake boyfriend to get our boys back?" hanbin asked the elder. joshua nodded interlacing their fingers and pecking hanbin's lips, might as well get it over with. hanbin was at first shocked and then he realized something, he liked the feeling of joshua kissing him.

"hyung?" shinwon called taking his shoes off as him and jiwon walked in the door. "oh your home," hongseok smiled looking confused at jiwon. "who's this shinwon?" he asked. "my boyfriend, didn't hoetaek-hyung tell you?" shinwon raised his eyebrows as jiwon walked other to stand next to him. "no he didn't, congrats kiddo." hongseok said walking away.

"how many brothers do you have?" jiwon whisper asked as he curled into shinwon on the couch. "nine." shinwon whispered. "oh." jiwon said. they heard a car pull up and decided to shock them. after finalizing there plan, jiwon slammed his lips onto shinwon's. they payed no attention to the opening door and the kiss got more and more heated. "hyung!" changgu yelled, causing the two to break their make out session. "sorry we didn't here the car..." jiwon smirked. "who's this?" hyojong asked mouth agape. "bobby. my boyfriend." shinwon said acting like it was obvious. "i thought you said your boyfriends name was jiwon," hyunggu accuses shocked that his hyung actually had a boyfriend. "my korean name is kim jiwon," jiwon explained scanning the boys up and down. both his and shinwon's hearts were in their throats after the kiss.

"so how did you and hyung meet?" yanan asked taking a bite out of the pasta he was eating. "we were seat partners," jiwon smiled taking a bite of his pasta as well. "oooooh" hongseok commented from the living room making shinwon blush. "sorry about them." shinwon smiled staring in jiwons eyes full of romance. "it's fine, but you said you have nine brothers where is your other brother?" jiwon asked his cheeks turning light pink. "oh jinho-hyung is probaly talking to someone." shinwon said his voice slightly flattering. he quickly took a bite of his salad.

"jun is coming over." yanan announced. "why?" hoetaek asked looking at the TV. "apparently joshua and his new boy friend are being too gross." yanan explained making shinwon's ears perk, he didn't know joshua had a boyfriend.


	10. i'm dying inside

he makes me happy  
this was all an accident  
but why did it feel so good

***

"hi jun." shinwon smiled at the younger. "hi hyung and...?" jun questioned. "bobby, im your hyung." jiwon smiled his arm wrapped around shinwon's waist. "oh no." jun sighed. "your hanbin's friend." he rolled his eyes going over to yanan. "hanbin is shua-hyungs new boyfriend," jun explained pecking yanans lips. "oh~" yanan said.

jinho walked out of his room and immediately dropped the cup he was holding. "shinwon," He hissed through a smile, " can you come here?" shinwon got up awkwardly, sad at losing the warmth of jiwon being a koala. jinho brought shinwon out of ear shot. "who the fuck is that!?" he hissed harshly. "my boyfriend." shinwon looked down in fear.

then jinho did the unexpected. he lifted his hand and smacked shinwon in the cheek. shinwon gasped at the lightning stinging his skin. jiwon ran in to see shinwon holding his cheek. he quickly brought the taller in for a hug. jinho was standing in shock his hand shaking. shinwon was balling in jiwon's arms, because for once he felt safe. "what happened!!?" hongseok yelled walking in after hearing shinwon's sobs. "nothing hyung." shinwon lied. "he-he slapped shinwon!" jiwon explained in pure shock. "you what?!!" hongseok yelled at jinho.

hongseok had yelled at jinho badly. hongseok didn't care if jinho was his hyung, he would not let him slap any of his . jinho stayed silent and went back to his room. hongseok was comforting shinwon with the help of jiwon who was still trying to process what had happened. shinwon was saying he was fine but no one believed it, his oldest brother just slapped him, for no reason. he was shaking as jiwon held ice up to his cheek for him. "it's okay," jiwon soothed. 

***

joshua was screwed, he originally wanted to get shinwon back but he felt fireworks when he kissed hanbin. he felt in love. he was staring at hanbin with heart eyes all day long, and the best part, hanbin was doing the same.

"hanbin?" joshua called as they were walking to his house. "yeah?" he smiled. "will you be my real boyfriend?" joshua asked he was looking at hanbin like a puppy. "yeah..." hanbin blushed. joshua smiled widely as he linked his arm through hanbin's. both boys were blushing madly. hanbin was so excited but also confused. he thought he loved jiwon, not joshua but maybe what they say is true, a kiss can change everything.

***

when shinwon's dongsaengs heard what happened they were pissed, especially yanan. yanan was so pissed that he confronted jinho. "hyung." he said coldly as he walked into his brothers room. "yeah yanan?" jinho asked showing no emotion. "i hate you." yanan said, jinho was shocked, yanan had always adored jinho. "why?" jinho asked standing up to approach yanan. "you slapped shinwon-hyung for no reason." yanan said, not waiting for jinho's response he left his brothers room and went to sit next to shinwon on the couch. jiwon had to leave for a tutor session.

shinwon loved the feeling of jison being his boyfriend but it also scared him. he thought he was falling in love with joshua, but then he asked jiwon to be his fake boyfriend, and he loved how real it felt. he loved every part of it, how caring jiwon was, he loved everything about the ten day younger. everything.

changgu was the last to pick a side between shinwon and jinho, he chose jinho, as did wooseok, yuto, and hyunggu. the only one of shinwon's dongsaengs that sided with him was yanan. hongseok also sided with him but other than that they were on jinho's side. their parents had taught them that they should always side with the eldest. to be completely honest, although shinwon didn't know this, those who sided with jinho were terrified of him. he was the oldest their parents raised them to be scared of him, but not let him know. and jinho chose which brother he hated to be shinwon. shinwon didn't know why jinho hated him so much. but he hated that jinho hated him.

jinho hated shinwon for a reason. he doesn't hate someone with out a reason. he's not that kind of guy. he had a reason, it wasn't a good one but he had a reason. and the reason isn't even shinwon's fault. it's his parents. and jinho's of course but mainly their parents fault.


	11. i want to think that it's a lie, why why

this family is   
built on lies  
i hate it  
why did our parents build us  
on lies?

***

family was all that shinwon had, until joshua and jiwon came along. he didn't have good grades, he didn't have friends or a boyfriend. all he had was family but he was pushed out of there. he was the middle kid that was always forgettable to his parents. his younger brothers adored him. he didn't know it but they did. he always wanted his dongsaengs to be happy. his dongsaengs came before himself. that was what he always believed. 

the family was split, their parents were still out of time and it was 7v3. the seven on jinho's side were being forced to stop talking to shinwon, yanan, and hongseok. all of shinwon's little brothers were having a hard time, especially hyunggu. he didn't think he could stay away from vaping without shinwon. 

hongseok, yanan, and shinwon were still trying to keep a relationship with their brothers, but if the brothers who sided with jinho talked to the three, hoetaek, hyojong, and jinho were going to yell at them. shinwon felt so bad, he put his dongsaengs in danger. all because his hyung slapped him. he knows the minute his parents get home it will be 9v3. shinwon was terrified, what if his parents disown him? they wouldn't do that right? would they disown yanan and hongseok?

jiwon and jun were worried about their boyfriends, they could tell that both boys had been up all night for nights in a row. they were both pale and had bags under their eyes. jiwon and jun would talk day and night about how worried they were. their close friends were also getting worried. it couldn't be that bad right? the most worried of their friends was minghao. his bothers boyfriend and his bothers boyfriends brother, were in danger by the sounds of it.

two days later is when it happened. when hyunggu broke, he got a vape from his friend. he was smoking three times everyday. and he was certain changgu, yuto, and wooseok knew. his room always smelled like vape. he had broke so hard he didn't care. changgu, yuto, and wooseok were worried, how did this affected him so much? and how did it affect him this bad? 

the same day that hyunggu broke is the day shinwon revealed how much this affected him. he didn't start cutting but rather he fainted in the lunch room. too many sleepless nights and too little food. he was telling hongseok he was eating but he wasn't he couldn't bring it to himself to actually do so. jiwon just barely caught him and the entire cafeteria was staring at the passed out boy. jiwon was looking at his boyfriend in fear as he was brought to the hospital. he had still hit his head badly even though jiwon caught him. yanan went to the hospital with his brother. he called hongseok right away.

_"hyung..."_

**"what's wrong yanan?"**

" _shinwon-hyung passed out at lunch..."_

**"what!!?"**

_"i'm on the way to the hospital with him right now.."_

**"i'll be right there. everything will be okay. it will be fine. don't worry"**

hongseok hung up and as soon as he did, yanan started sobbing. his hyung was going to the hospital. he was fucking terrified. he did what he had to do. he opened the brother chat room and texted them that him, shinwon, and hongseok were at the hospital. he waited fifteen minutes. no one responded to the text message.

jinho froze in shock as he reread yanan's text message over and over but he had to obey his parents, he couldn't help shinwon. he just couldn't his parents would be so mean. his hands were shaking. he felt tears pricking his eyes and oh god did he hope they were all okay.

hongseok arrived and went to the emergency room where a sobbing yanan was waiting. hongseok ran over to console the younger. "shinwon is a fighter. he's got this. i promise you, he will be okay. he's a fighter." hongseok whispered as yanan sobbed harshly into his toned chest. "here facetime jun okay? i'm gonna go ask about shinwon." hongseok handed earbuds to yanan as he walked to the front desk lady.


	12. even if i shout there is no answer

fuck them  
I hate them  
but I can't   
fix their mistakes  
i hate this  
***

"hi yanan baby..." jun answered he was stating next to jiwon as they were both worried about there boyfriends. "hi junnie..." yanan smiled his eyes teary, "and jiwon." He looked at the elder pitifully. "any word on shinwon?" jiwon asked, as he looked sadly at the boy. "hongseok hyung is asking right now." yanan said glancing towards said boy, "okay," jiwon said his voice was shaking. "well my brothers and us are keeping him in our prayers and hoping that it all turns out good, but we gotta go baby." jun said smiling as he and jiwon hung up.

back at the house everyone was freaking out. they couldn't do anything not under their parents rules. ever since shinwon was born his parents have discriminated against him, they were coming home the next day.

hongseok walked back to yanan with a sad smile on his face. "he's okay, but he hasn't eaten and the first thing he asked was if you were okay." hongseok sad sitting down next to yanan. "yanan can i tell you a secret?" he asked quietly. yanan nodded concerned, "i have two." hongseok said sitting up straight. "the first is that jinho, hoetaek, hyojong, all of them. they don't hate shinwon. our parents have forced me and the other hyungs to hate shinwon since the day he was born, and we were fine with that, we didn't know it was wrong, we were 3, 2, and 1 years old. but we had to keep up with it and you know the rest." hongseok explained as yanan was processing everything.

"okay... what's the other thing? is it about your girlfriend?" hongseok nodded, he had a girlfriend the entire family new that, but he wasn't obsessed with her like hyojong was with hyuna. "what about her?" yanan asked, he quite liked hongseok's girlfriend. "well we went to a party, hyojong, hyuna, crystal, and I," hongseok started crystal was his girlfriends name,"and crystal and i had a little too much fun.... and well there is a 99% chance a mini me or mini crystal will be here in six-ish months." hongseok said his voice getting higher, "I'm gonna be an uncle!" yanan exclaimed, he really needed good news right now. hongseok nodded as yanan hugged his brother. "c'mon let's go tell shinwon."

the boys walked into shinwon's hospital room with huge smiles on their faces. "why are you so happy?" shinwon asked smiling cutely. "hongseok-hyung has big news." yanan smiled moving to sit next to shinwon on the bed. "oh really?" shinwon giggled. "to make a long story short, crystal and i had a lot of fun at the party, and well... a mini me or mini crystal is on the way!" hongseok bounced. "congrats bro!" shinwon exclaimed. "okay but will mini hongseok-hyung be as cute as him?" yanan asked. shinwon shook his head "cuter." he laughed as hongseok faked being offended. "i don't know how to tell the others though..." hongseok sighed. "well I was filming shinwon's reaction so just send that to the group chat and you're good." yanan offered. hongseok nodded,

"hyung, yanan sent a video." changgu said picking up his phone and connecting it to the TV, "play it." jinho said. and so the group of seven watched the video in pure shock. "hongseok is having a baby!" hyojong had shouted, wooseok nodded in shock. "well good for him." hyunggu smiled. "jinho-hyung?" hoetaek snapped his fingers in front of the elders face. "oh! yeah good for him." he sighed as his phone dinged signaling that he got a message. he checked who the sender was, 'BABIE🖤' jinho quickly responded to the message. the others were quietly talking and making bets on if it was going to be a girl or a boy. then everything went silent, a car had pulled up, their parents car had pulled up. they all put their phones away and sat silently on the couch, the house seemed so dull with only seven people. they were finally realizing how depressing their house was. te door opened and there stood their mother and father.


	13. a flood of loneliness in the rain rain rain

it's time   
to rebel

***

"where are the others?" their father hissed. "they're at the hospital." hyunggu said not meeting his father eyes. "why? what did shinwon do to hongseok and yanan?" their mother asked her eyes showing concern. "shinwon is the one in the hospital." yuto said lowly, looking at the ground. "oh well that's fine then." their mother said a smile coming on her face. the seven were staring at her in shock.

and hyojong broke. "why do you want us to hate shinwon so fucking much?!!" He yelled standing from his spot on the couch, everyone was staring at him, he just swore at his mother. "jo hyojong don't disrespect your mother like that!" their father yelled. changgu stood up, "He has a point why do we have to hate him! he's a great person!" he yelled, shocked at himself. "changgu! he isn't a great person!" their mother yelled back. "since when??!" wooseok cried from his spot on the couch. "since the day he was born! he has brought nothing but pain to this family! now you all calm down, your mother and I need to file papers," their father said. "for what?!!" jinho spat, that was almost the most shocking thing said. "disownment of shinwon, yanan, and hongseok." the seven boys were silent. while this was all happening, hoetaek was sending the information to hongseok.

"no...no." hongseok said as he received hoetaek's messages. tears were filling his eyes as he handed his phone to the two on the bed. their smiles dropped immediately. "t-the h-hyungs and th-then w-won't let th-them r-r-right??? right?" yanan cried as he gripped onto shinwon who was staring at the phone in shock.

the seven were in pure shock, they couldn't believe their parents. they didn't want to believe they were their parents. they were all worried, they weren't serious were they? they couldn't be who would be that cruel? if so how did they never notice? no one spoke when jinho stood up and went upstairs, they didn't really notice to be honest. jinho went in a room, and stayed there.

when he returned he had his usual disgusted face, "we don't need to care about shinwon". he said coldly sitting down. "he isn't good." he mumbled getting on his phone right away.

"we'll be fine." shinwon whispered to yanan, hongseok was on the phone with jun and joshua's dad, they had offered the three a place to stay while they figure everything out. "why do they hate you so god damn much?" yanan sighed. "i don't know, yanan." shinwon sighed. "come on guys, I'll sign shinwon's discharge papers then we're going to jun and josh's house." hongseok said handing both boys a bag of clothes.

the three boys got into hongseok's car, yanan plugged his phone into the aux cord. and all the boys were silent when the song came on, 'hey brother' by avicii had came on, it was the jo brothers secret anthem. tears were pulling in their eyes as the song continued, but little did they know, the other seven were also listening to the song. their family was divided, and the brothers couldn't do anything.

the song lasted four minutes, four sad minutes. yanan didn't have the heart to change it while it was playing, he couldn't. then the song changed and the three brothers let a smile come to their faces, it was 'shout out to my ex' by little mix. yanan loved little mix, hongseok and shinwon were enjoying yanan's backseat performance of the song. he had a good singing voice. shinwon was filming it, he wanted to keep it as a memory. the song changed once again, this time it was why don't we' trust fund baby. as they were driving they continued to bop to the song, and had tons of videos. these were memories they would never forget.

back at home the seven were suffering without their brothers, especially hyunggu, he had been smoking his vape every hour. yuto noticed but he didn't know how to fix it. wooseok knew too but he was too busy getting scolded by their father to confront hyunggu. but it was bad and hyunggu was preparing something. something big. something that would break them just as bad as the three leaving broke him. he was going to run away and find his brothers.


	14. he's in the rain

i know   
the reason  
and here it is  
***

_there is a reason shinwon's parents hated him since the day he was born. they were expecting a set of twins, a boy (shinwon) and a girl they were going to name nayoung. as you can tell shinwon doesn't have a sister. nayoung unfortunately died during birth. shinwon surrivied, just barely, but he did. and his parents hated him because they thought he killed his sister. he didn't, his sister died because her umbilical cord was wrapped around her throat, therefore strangiling her. but his parents would always be mad at him. they were forced by mrs. Jo's parents to adopt yanan and yuto. but they didn't hate them, or at least didn't show it. they then tried again, and ended up with changgu, wooseok and hyunggu. but all that anger of not having a baby girl, was put on shinwon, only shinwon. and shinwon knew the reason but he didn't tell anyone, because he didn't want his brothers to be mad at him like his parents were, he couldn't handle his brothers hating him._

hyunggu was running to the first place he thought of, jun and shua's house. their house was far away but hyunggu needed his hyungs, wooseok was debating going after him. he could sense that his twin was hurt, and so he did, about twenty minutes after hyunggu left, wooseok grabbed two skateboards to catch up with him, øne was for hyunggu.

when wooseok got to hyunggu he hugged the boy tightly. "wooseok." hyunggu smiled as he hugged the taller. wooseok handed hyunggu a skateboard, "let's go." He said speeding infront of hyunggu. "oh you're on!" hyunggu shouted as he jumped on the skateboard, going after him.

hongseok was on the phone with crystal as the others talked with all thirteen of mr.choi's kids. she had just left the doctors office with big news, she was farther along then they thought, four and a half months. she was so excited about having a baby, she knew that hongseok was still in highschool, and she was graduated but, they both were so excited though. she was nineteen and hongseok seventeen. the baby was expected to be born on july nineteenth. although they were all busy talking, everyone saw how excited and happy hongseok was.

a loud ring echoed through the choi family's house. little twelve year old chan answered the door, "oh hyungs! they are over there." chan smiled at the tall boys. wooseok and hyunggu quickly took their shoes off before running over to the three sitting on the couch, FaceTiming crystal. wooseok and hyunggu hugged the three tightly. "oh it looks like you have company." crystal laughed as hongseok looked at the two boys sweetly. "yeah remind me to not let them babysit." hongseok chuckled as he-ran a hand through hyunggus hair.

shinwon and hyunggu stepped outside while the other three talked with crystal, "you smell like vape." shinwon said disappointed. "when you left i couldn't handle it." hyunggu said tearing up quickly. "it's okay, we can fix this, relapse is part of recovery." shinwon comforted wiping the shorters tears. hyunggu nodded as he hugged shinwon tightly. shinwon smiled as he ruffled the youngers hair. "go inside buddy. I'll be in in a minute." He smiled.

shinwon took out his pack of ciggerates, smoking one, then another, then another, and just as he was going to light the fourth one, he saw a car stop outside the Choi's house. it was hyojong's. he saw hyojong looking at him dissapointed. shinwon walked up to the car and without saying anything, handed hyojong his lighter and pack of cigarettes, he smiled sadly at the elder. "the number on the lighter, i didn't give him consent for what he did to me.." shinwon said before turning around and walking inside the house, sending a shocked hyojong a heart.

hyojong was furious. this man hurt his brother, badly. hyuna who was sitting in the passengers seat looked at hyojong in shock. a song came on the radio and they drove away in silence. as they were driving away, the person in the backseat stared at the window, he felt terrible. he wanted to apologize but he didn't get the chance. he grabbed the lighter and studied the number. when the couple dropped him off where he told them, he lit the lighter. and as the flame grew, thunder booked and the rain came pouring down, the light went out.


	15. when i look at how beautiful you are, time stops

i have  
nothing to say   
it's all too much

***  
shinwon was in pain, so much pain. but he couldn't say anything. he had caused too much pain he didn't need to cause more. his head was pounding like thunder. nothing was working and he wasn't sure why it was like this. but he stayed silent, and let wooseok and hyunggu sleep in his bed with him. as he stared at the ceiling unable to fall asleep. thoughts piling in his aching head. thoughts that were good and not good. thoughts about his old house, thoughts about his new home. thoughts about how his other dongsaengs are doing. if yuto actually ended up telling the others about his habit. if hyojong did anything about heeyoung.

it was true that hyojong didn't do anything about heeyoung. because someone else already had. it wasn't true that yuto told on shinwon, they weren't even supposed to mention shinwon. his other dongsaengs were terrible, changgu was having nightmares, bad nightmares, he wasn't sleeping at all because of them, and yuto was getting bullied worse than ever.

all they ever heard was their parents yelling. the house was empty. it was more depressing, the originally comforting grey blankets and pillows now lacked the emotion of happiness the two boys were yearning for. the pearl white couch cushions once perfect for building movie forts, now lacked the brightness they once had, they were clean and still appeared bright white. but they didn't have water stains from a nerf gun battle gone too far, or the tear stains from when they would tickle yuto, hyunggu, and wooseok to tears. they didn't have paint stains from changgu's paintings, or food stains from when the ten of them prepared their mom a meal for Mother's Day. it was bright white with no stains and a single grey pillow.

jiwon came over later that day, shinwon was still in pain, jiwon could tell. hanbin had come with him, he wanted to see joshua. jiwon greeted those in sight before going up to shinwon's room. "shinwon~" He called knocking on the door, a faint "come in" was heard as he opened the door. jiwon walked in quietly, he slunk into bed next to shinwon, carefully he got himself under the overs between wooseok and shinwon. the bed smelled of teenage boys as did the entire fucking house but in a way it was comforting. "how are you, love?" he asked carefully curling into shinwon. "i'm okay" shinwon mumbled resting his head on jiwon's. "you sure?" he asked looking up at the boy. "my heads killing me but its fine." shinwon whispered, kissing jiwon's forehead lightly. his head was killing him because he was thinking about his five brothers still at home. he was worried that changgu and yuto weren't doing good, and even though he acted like he hated them, he was worried about his hyungs too. and he should be.

changgu and yuto weren't okay, they were terrible, changgu especially. yuto, he didn't care as much, he had accepted it. but changgu couldn't except it. but changgu hid it, he hid it well. he hid that he wasn't sleeping and made sure that yuto never noticed that he wanted to die without his five brothers. there was no longer a single drop of happiness in the house. but changgu didn't want yuto to know that. he didn't want yuto to know that he's been picking up shinwon's habit, but on his arms. he only wore long sleeves now. his smile was fake, like a doll. 

and yuto noticed it, he noticed the lines on his hyungs arms, he noticed all the tear stains on the couch, no longer from happiness but from pain. their parents had started to hurt changgu, physically. the three eldest were never around long enough to notice, always at bars, with their girlfriend, or with their BABIE🖤and they didn't notice anything that was happening. until hoetaek came home one day, and stayed home and awake for two days. and he noticed things, he noticed that changgu slept on the couch because of his nightmares, that the TV was always on because it comforted changgu cause no one else would. he noticed the bruises on yuto's face that changgu cleaned with a fake smile. he noticed their parents fighting, and he noticed when they hit changgu. but what he didn't notice, was when yuto had enough. and ran to find his happy family, and not this abusive one. and now it was changgu vs his parents. and now, changgu knew he was done for. 


	16. it's hard to even open my eyes now

the hate is winning

this is not how it should be

the children are dying and the adults are enjoying

the hate is winning, and love is lost

***

it was raining again today, and at three in the morning, there was a knock on the door. mr.choi answered it while in his pajamas, on his door step was a crying boy, drenched in tears and rain. mr.choi knew the boy is shinwon's brother. he took the boy inside and quickly brought him dry clothes. he then led the boy upstairs, to the room in which shinwon, hyunggu, wooseok, and jiwon were sleeping. the boy never talked to mr.choi, just bowed with respect. he crawled into bed next to hyunggu. wrapping his bruised arms around hyunggu as mr.choi closed the door and went to bed. 

shinwon woke up to the sound of wooseok and jiwon falling to the floor. wooseok had been the first to the fall but then decided to grab onto the closest thing to him, jiwon. as the two woke up do to the fall he started laughing. wooseok was screaming because that man, again jiwon, wasn't with him when he fell asleep. the screams woke up the two boys on shinwon's other side. "i see nothing about you has changed." yuto laughed, shocking hyunggu who was clinging onto the boy out of habit. "when-when did you get here," he asked hugging the boy tight. "ladt night, mr. choi was nice enough to let me in." yuto smiled as he was wrapped in a hug. "where's changgu-hyung?" wooseok asked a smile on his face. "he is at the house still." yuto sighed, he was scared for his hyung. 

changgu was passed out on the couch when hongseok sneaked into the house. he gasped when he saw the condition of the younger, his arms were covered in scars and he had bruises all over his body. he had glassstuck in his arm. and an empty bottle of vodka next to him. crystal gasped as she walked up next to hongseok, her seven month belly sticking out in front of her. "changgu..." hongseok sighed rushing over to the skinny boy, his ripped shirt revealed his patruding ribs. "crystal, call 119." 

the ambulance and police arrived quickly, and changgu was still passed out. hongseok had informed the others of the incident. and it made shinwon feel worse than ever, if he wasn't here there wouldn't be any problems with their family and they would be a happy family. a family with out problems and a family with hope and laughter. shinwon thought that was true. he thought that if he wasn't here everything would be perfect. but he was wrong.

he was the first to rush to the hospital, jinho was the last to arrive. there was a tension between the brothers, the three eldest at the other six, and the boy in the middle, in the hospital bed. hyojong was eyeing his dongsaengs and his twin with love, but not enough for them to notice, well not until he got up and sat next to hongseok on the other side, he then wrapped his arms around hongseok, "congrats bro, i'm really happy for you." he mumbled as hongseok wrapped his arms around his twins, "thanks bro." he smiled. and hyojong stayed on that side, quickly catching up with his twin. hoetaek and jinho stayed on their side, and the boys all chatted among themselves.

changgu woke up to the sight of his ten brothers, smiling and talking happily. just that sight made him smile, it was the first time in years he had seen this sight. he loved it. he loved it so much. the boys didn't notice him right away but when they did, and no one stopped smiling or talking, they just let him join the conversation, and for that moment everything was perfect. 


	17. no whoa he's in the rain

for once everyone was happy

and i was happy too

but then my world came crashing

an no one could know

***

the world was crashing, well shinwon's world was. he had relapced and now he couldn't go back. he was hurt, and his arms, legs, back, stomach and almost every part of his body, was covered in these, these tears, these painful drops of rain he couldn't express. jiwon had noticed one scratch but thought nothing of it. but then he saw another, then another, then another, and then he walked in on shinwon changing. and he didn't say anything, he didn't ask why, he didn't breakdown crying, nor did he start screaming, he simply wrapped his arms around shinwon's torso and whispered, "i love you, jo shinwon." 

changgu was still in the hospital, and the hospital sent him back home. back to where he was hurt. back to the place that hurt him the most, but now, hoetaek stayed home more often. jinho still went out alot, but always made sure that changgu was asleep safely when he got home. hyojong had hyuna come over to his house more often. changgu had nightmares and was always waking up on the couch rather than the bedroom he used to share with yanan. it still had the little chinese notes written on the wall. changgu had learned chinese just to read them. his handwriting was beautiful in chinese, in korea his handwriting was seen as sloppy and unreadbale, but in chinese his handwriting was stunning. changgu loved to read it, it was all he ever wanted to read. if that was the case he would love school. but it wasn't the case, and changgu hated school. and so he did what any sane person would do, he ditched school. 

no one noticed the jo changgu skipped school. no one noticed, until, his parents recieved a call from the school. and when they came home to see changgu watching netflix on the couch, they were mad. they hurt the boy so badly, so so so badly. when hoetaek came home late that night, he was reassured to see that changgu was asleep on the couch. when hyojong came down to get protection for him and hyuna, he was glad to see the boy peacefully asleep. when jinho came home and saw that changgu was asleep he was at first glad too see that he was asleep, but then he was terrified to see the broken computer by his side. when he lifted the cover he saw bruises all over changgu's body, and the boy was out cold. jinho carefully picked the boy up and brought him to his bedroom. he laid the boy down on his bed before crawling in on the over side. he was almost completely asleep when he heard a deep moan come from the room next to him, then hyojong's voice yelling out "hyuna!!!" he sighed and quickly grabbed his phone trying to find a way to block out the couple. 

hoetaek, hyuna, and a limping hyojong were concerned when they noticed changgu wasn't there the next morning. they noticed it after their parents left and hoetaek teased hyojong for limping. usually changgu would be in the living room watching netflix or reading a book. but they were quickly comforted when they saw that he was in jinho's room, jinho was softly singing to him, it had been a while since jinho sang to anyone. the dongsaengs and hyuna were happy to hear the boy sing again. he seemed to have been in the dumps quite a lot lately. 

as shinwon breathed in jiwon's sent, letting the words the boy told him last night sink in, he started to cry and let out the rain drops he couldn't for the longest time. jiwon woke up to a wet stain in his shirt and shinwon's arms around hi storso securely. "good morning, wonnie." he smiled, he was dissapointed when the boy didn't say he loved him back last night but he didn't show it. "good morning, jiwon." shinwon smiled through his thundering tears. "i love you, jo shinwon." jiwon repeated quietly, thinking that shinwon couldn't heat him. 

"i love you, kim bobby jiwon." 


	18. in my memory your traces spread

we're near the end

but we have so much more to fear

our family is in war 

and our children are suffering

another crisis has come

why does

god 

hate us?

***

it was two in the morning when it happened, hongseok and crystal had been sleeping in the same bed that night, but crystal couldn't sleep, she was having contractions. she was seven months pregnant, and having contractions. at first she just brushed it off thinking that it would be fine. but then her water broke, and she shook hongseok awake. "what's wrong?" he asked tired, "my water broke." she whispered carefully, holding her stomach in pain.

the two quickly arrived at the hospital, and were immediatley taken back to a room. hongseok was nervously holding crystal's hand. it was too early for this to be happening, and the doctors didn't let hongseok go back. 

as hongseok was sitting in the waiting room he was reminded of things, of memories. 

_'the sun was bright that day, hoetaek had been complaining about it on the way to the hospital, it was time for shinwon and nayoung to be born.'_ little hongseok was barely one at the time, but with how many times jinho told him the story, he had seemed to remember it. _'it was the first birth of one of his brothers that jinho could remember, shinwon was the first to be remembered by the brothers. the sun was bright when they arrived to the hospital, and five minutes before shinwon and nayoung were expected to be born. but then four minutes before, it started downpouring in rain. shinwon had been in the rain since the day he was born, and the day they took him home from the ICU, traffic had been stopped because of rain. now that he thinks about it, every big moment that has ever happened for shinwon, happened while it was raining outside.'_

 _'it was a three years after the twins and yuto had been born. it was spring break at the time and they were all playing outside, jinho and hoetaek running around singing the wrong lyrics to songs, hyojong and hongseok wrestling each other over a toy, shinwon helping changgu watercolor paint something unidentifiable, yanan and yuto were playing in the grass and the other twins were playing tag. there was joy on all their faces, and the perfectly green grass was the best to roll around in,'_ but now even the grass is still perfectly green it feels tacky. 

' _it was changgu's eleventh birthday, and the boys had all gotten him gifts, mainly paint sets, and a t-shirt from a fourteen year old jinho. that was when changgu started really painting, he would make these beautiful paintings, he even painted a picture of all of them once, the only picture of all of them. the boys had all become accustom to the specks of paint all around the house. the touch of color made from the boys happiness gave them even more happiness.'_ changgu hasn't painted anything in months, it was obvious he was no longer happy. 

back at the old house, jinho always sung changgu to sleep, sometimes he would even play a recording of yanan or another brother and sing along with them. it was beautiful what things can do to you, beautifully painful. 

' _jinho was a sophmore in high school and pulled a prank, he filled the principal's office with plastic cups full of paint. when he arrived home with a suspension that day all the boys congratulated him and told him how awesome he was, but his parents beat the boy. and he didn't tell anyone, rather he turned into the jinho we know today, he turned into Mr. and Mrs. Jo's Son, rather than Jo Jinho. and know look at where we are,'_ jinho didn't want it to turn out like this.

and as hongseok shook his memories away he heard a doctor call his name, "yes?" he asked concerned. "mr.jo...congratulations. you can go see your wife now, your daughter is in an incubater." the doctor explained guiding hongseok to the back where crystal was looking at this small human inside the incubater, her eyes full of love. "Jo Juno Gi-Gyeong." crystal smiled, "Jo Juno Gi-Gyeong." hongseok repeated a smile on his face. 


	19. as if the rain has soaked them up

with no tears left  
and the rain pouring down my face   
instead,  
I want to be with you in the rain  
but it is to difficult right now,  
baby  
***

little gigyeong was still in the ICU when hongseok came home for the first time, he was greeted with hugs and yells of celebration. and questions full of worry. "she's okay, both my girls are okay." He smiled happily as they all sat down with him. well all but changgu, jinho, and hoetaek. they weren't allowed to leave the house.

back with changgu, hoetaek, and jinho, they were curled up in jinho's bed, changgu in the middle as hoetaek ran a hand through his hair and the two eldest sung him to sleep. he hadn't slept at all the previous night. and just as changgu was falling asleep, jinho's phone rang, from a contact under the name BABIE🖤. he quickly sent the call to voicemail, but not fast enough for the other two to not notice. "who's that, hyung?" changgu mumbled tiredly. "it doesn't matter, aegi, go to sleep." he kissed the top of changgu's head. "i won't sleep until you tell me." changgu persisted opening his eyes wide. "his name is Jeremiah, he's from Africa, but he lives here in Korea, and-and-I love him." he said his voice shaking. "jo jinho. get the fuck out of my house," their father seethed.

shinwon, jiwon, hyunggu, yuto, yanan, wooseok, and jun were cuddled up on the couch watching the bee movie, with korean subtitles, when shinwon received a message from hongseok. he quickly shared it to the TV screen and hit play of the video.

_it showed a little 1.6 kilogram baby. her skin was red and on her small hospital bracelet it read 'Jo Juno Gi-Gyeong.' you could hear crystal cooing behind the screen and hongseok saying "say hi to your uncles princess." his voice held so much joy, the boys hadn't heard him that happy for a long time._

as the screen faded black the boys squealed in excitement before going back to their movie. jiwon and shinwon kissing eachother every so often. and as the credits rolled, the boys heard mr.choi call from the kitchen that it was time to eat, and for those boys their was a settled happiness, and everyone was smiling, and those boys were happy for the first time in a while.

"what?" jinho asked shocked, tears piling in his eyes. "get out." his father repeated. "b-b-but Appa, I've done everything for you." He was shaking, it was the first time anyone had seen jinho like this, other than jeremiah. "pack up, jo jinho." his father threw a glare at him before leaving. changgu wrapped his arms around jinho softly. jinho's body shook as hoetaek started packing the three boys' bags. as they started to get ready to leave, changgu secretly grabbed something, and carefully cut it in his suitcase. you must be wondering what he grabbed?

_there's things you don't know about jinho. jinho had always hid stuff as the oldest, and always followed his parents orders. he wasn't lying when he said he had done everything for his parents, he hated shinwon for his parents, he was always his parents' jinho. the only thing that jinho had that was really his in his 19 years of life, was jeremiah. but there is one big thing that no one but their parents knows about jinho. even jinho doesn't know this. the day that jinho was born, was a perfectly sunny day, until they arrived at the hospital. when they arrived at the hospital...when they arrived at the hospital, it started raining._

the three brothers made the brave decision to knock on mr.choi's door. but it wasn't mr. choi who opened the door, it was yanan. and yanan looked at the boys, pulled changgu inside, and then slammed the door in hoetaek and jinho's face. jinho's heart burst. he had let his parents turn him into them, to the point that yanan slammed the door in his face. the door opened again, yanan pulled hoetaek inside as well. jinho was left on the porch of mr.choi's house. before he turned around to leave he took out a piece of paper and left a note on the door. ' _I'm sorry my brothers. i know it ISNT enough. im sorry. i Love you, please take care of each other, I'll bring the rest of your stuff from the house over during the nights, love jo jinho.'_

as changgu started unpacking his bag, the brothers looked at him in shock. "i didn't know you brought that." hoetaek commented picking the thing up from the floor and hanging it on the wall of the room they were going to all stay in.

what the thing was???

it was the painting, changgu painted when he was eleven, the picture of all of them, the only picture of all of them.


	20. i lose track of where to go, in your frozen reality

there is only two real emotions in life;

pain

and 

acceptance

***

jinho walked away from the house with rain drops on his face. he took out his phone and dialed a number. he was sitting on the curb outside mr.choi's house. the person he called was going to come pick him up. 

mr.choi joined jinho on the curb after about five minuets. "hello, mr.choi." jinho bowed wiping his tears. "hello jinho." mr. choi smiled sadly. "you were always nice jinho, when you were a little boy. you were such a cute kid, always causing trouble as well. but then after that day, that you pulled the prank, you changed. it wasn't jo jinho anymore, not the jo jinho we all knew. your parents changed you jinho. and you've finally left them. but your brothers arent going t forgive you easily, not until you show them the real jo jinho." jinho looked at the man shocked. "i know mr. choi, trust me." mr. choi started to talk again.

"you know my little boy, junhui. he was about twelve when you pulled that prank, that was six months after i took him in. it was the first time he opened up to any of us, he was the last to come join us out of the thirteen, him and minghao, minghao opened up after about three months. but junhui, he still hasn't opened u completely but that was the first time he really let us in. he told us about how back in china he and this little kid would always play these jokes in the orphanage, he talked about how awesome that prank was." 

"why are you telling me this mr. choi?" jinho asked rain drops trailing down his face at the speed of light. "because, jinho, you have eight brothers in their and one who's at the hospital with his early born daughter, and you are sitting outside, thinking that they hate you and will never love you again. and you're wrong, because changgu is explaining everything to them right now, and all of those 21 kids are listening to him. and you are going to run away to your boyfriend. but please, please jinho, come back tommrow, and then the next day bring your boyfriend." mr. choi stood up walking inside as jeremiah's black car pulled up and jinho got in the drivers seat. 

changgu had explained everything, and no one said anything either. they were all silent. but silence is the biggest scream. yanan had tears streaming down his face but refused to say anything. shinwon and jiwon had gone upstairs as shinwon cried into jiwon's chest. "i-i-i hat-hated h-h-him b-b-b-but it wa-was-wasn't h-him." he sobbed, jiwon hated to see shinwon liked that. he was in pain and jiwon hated it. "i know baby...it isn't your fault." jiwon comforted. 

jeremiah and jinho talked in the car. "love, who did you hurt the worst with the fake you?" he asked. "shinwon. he was the first sibling that i remembered the lies my parents told me. i believed that he killed nayoung. but then i found out what really happened. i hurt all of them but shinwon was the worst." jinho grabbed his stuff before walking hand and hand with jeremiah into the house. 

changgu found jun's paint set. he stared at the set longingly. but he didn't touch it, rather he grabbed a piece of paper and a pencil. and started writing. he was writing a letter. he wasn't sure who it was for, but it was a letter. jun yelled at him when he saw the boy in his room, jun had things hidden in that room but that's for another time. 

jinho shouldn't have gone into the house. he shouldn't of gotten in to that car. he shouldn't of let his guard down. he shouldn't of let jeremiah take him to his house. he should of declined. but he didn't. and now, in jeremiah's house, he heard a scream from jeremiah. and then he was curious. so he went in. he shouldn't of went in. inside of jeremiah's house were his parents. and jinho's parents too. and they were holding weapons. 


	21. he's in the rain

the most scary word in english is;

almost

he almost told her

they almost lived

she almost died

it almost worked

we were almost happy

***

shinwon and jiwon had fallen asleep like that, and they woke up like that. jiwon planted kisses all over shinwon's face. and shinwon returned the favor. they stayed cuddled up like that for a while. it was quite cute. but nothing lasts forever. their moment was ruined by changgu barging in announcing that breakfast was ready. the boys groaned getting out of bed. they got out of bed slowly, shinwon throwing on the clothes closest to him, (jiwons hoodie, blue jeans, and slippers,) the boys went down stairs quickly but shinwon stopped in his tracks when he saw who was standing their at the door. heeyoung, the man who r*ped him. "shinwonnie~" he laughed manically, "you know mr. lee?" mr. choi asked. joshua knew that something was wrong and instantaneously ran over to shinwon. "what's wrong shinwon?" he whispered as jiwon tried to help. "he-he is a bad person." shinwon mumbled. "i'm gonna need you to be more specific love." jiwon said standing next to joshua. "he...he hurt me when i ran away." he said. heeyoung was kicked out in ten seconds flat. 

"119, what's your emergency?" dispatcher, lee hyukjae asked. "my-my par-parents and-and some-some over peo-people they're-they're tryi-trying to mur-murder m-my st-step-brother and his b-boyfriend." a small voice cried, the voice belonged to samuel kim arredondo. "what's your name?" hyukjae asked. "samuel." he responded. "where are you samuel?" he asked getting ready to push the emergency button. "xxx xxxxx avenue." he responded. "help will be their soon, stay where you are okay?" hyukjae tried to comfort. "o-okay." as they both hung up hyukjae pushed the button and punched in the address at the speed of light. 

"so how did you guys sleep?" seungcheol asked taking a bite out of his pancake. "it was fine." shinwon said, popping a grape in his mouth. "that's good, jeonghan has a girlfriend." he said casually standing up before getting an apple chucked at his head by jeonghan. "who?" mr. choi asked taking a sip of his coffee. "kim sojung." jeonghan mumbled. "the one who seungkwan accidently called his girlfriend?" chan asked innocently. "yes, chan, that one." he replied annoyed. "well minghao has a boyfriend!" he defended after everyone stared at him. minghao chocked on his warm milk. "my boys have better love lives than i do." mr. choi chuckled. "what's his name hao? we gotta make sure he's good enough for you." wonwoo asked. " his name is kunpimook bhuwakul." minghao smiled. "his name is what?" jihoon asked. "bambam, he goes by bambam." minghao laughed. "wait, you're the boyfriend bambam was bragging about?" mingyu and seokmin exclaimed in unison. "yeah." minghao nodded. "well i for one am glad that minghao finally got some ass and the jeonghan found a girlfriend." shinwon laughed. 

"what was your emergency hyukjae?" another dispatcher, kim jongwoon. "this little boy called, his parents are trying to kill his step brother and and his step brothers boyfriend, donghae, sungmin, heechul, and jeongsoo are going there now." hyukjae sighed rubbing his eyes. "oh my god." jongwoon exclaimed rubbing hyukjae's shoulders comfortingly. "i hope they're all okay, it seemed like they were all so young." hyukjae sighed tearing up. "it's going to be okay hyukjae, trust donghae and them." jongwoon said comfortingly, kissing hyukjae softly before going to his desk. 

shinwon and jiwon were walking outside, hand in hand, as wooseok and hyunggu skateboarded in front of them. "they're smiling jiwon." shinwon smiled cutely. "i know, shinwon." he smiled back. "everything's finally okay." shinwon smiled happily. the boys continued to walk behind wooseok and hyunggu when shinwon's phone rang. "yeah, hyojong-hyung?" he answeredd continuing to walk. "we just recivied a call from the SJ Police, mom and dad got arrested." shinwon stopped in his tracks at hyojong's words. "why?" shinwon asked his voice shaking. "they...they tried to murder jinho and his boyfriend. jinho gets the house, well after he gets out of the hospital he does." hyojong mumbled. 


	22. you wanna hurt yourself i'll stay with you

why can't we be in peace

why is everything so difficult

maybe we want to be happy  
***

hyukjae teared up when donghae told him that the teens had to go to the hospital, and that the little boy refused to get out of the police car with out his brother. jongwoon suggested that he tried to get the small boy out of the car. 

hyukjae opened the door of the police car and slid in next to a bawling samuel. "samuel, it's me the guy you talked to on the phone." he said softly his heart hurting for the young boy. "y-your th-the gu-guy from the ph-phone?" samuel asked peeking through his tiny hands. "yeah i am samuel, we really need you to come in, and if you come in you can hang out with me and my husband." he smiled at the younger who seemed to calm down. "yo-you have a husban-husband?" he asked looking directly at hyukjae. "yeah his name is jongwoon and his voice sounds really funny." he commented knowing jongwoon would kill him if he heard. "really?" samuel asked. "yeah but you have to come in to hear it...." hyukjae said. "i'll come in then!" samuel exclaimed unbuckling his seatbelt. 

everyone in the choi house was panicking. mr.choi, hoetaek, and hyojong had gone to the police station and shinwon, jiwon, yanan, and changgu, went to the hospital. the police had explained what happened to those who came but the hospital wouldn't give any information about jinho or jeremiah. yanan and changgu were crying while hugging each other but jiwon and shinwon showed little emotion other than shock. hongseok was on the other side of the hospital, smiling with crystal and gushing over little juno. they couldn't tell him, but someone had too. so shinwon stood up, told jiwon to watch the kids, and started going to the maternity ward. 

"how did you get him to come inside?" sungmin asked as hyukjae walked in, samuel in his arms. "he wanted to hear jongwoon's funny voice, i told him about." hyukjae stiffled a laugh as jongwoon glared at him, unfortunatley, jeongsoo and heechul don't know how to stiffle a laugh. "i want to hear funny voice." samuel commented cutely. "hi, samuel. i'm the one with the funny voice." jongwoon smiled walking over to samuel and hyukjae. samuel giggled cutely. "why don't you go play with heechul, jongwoon and i need to talk about somehting?" hyukjae said handing the small boy to a reluctant heechul. 

"what is it?" jongwoon asked pecking hyukjae's lips. "the boy and his brothers do they have somewhere to stay?" hyukjae asked, straddling jongwoon. "they've been staying with mr. choi soojong, but he doesn't have enough room for all of them and his 13 sons." jongwoon said looking into hyukjae's sad eyes, "we have a big house jongwoon..." hyukjae said looking towards jongwoon pitifully. "i know, if they want...i'll let you have them stay at our house, samuel and jeremiah too." jongwoon smiled kissing hyukjae again. "thank you." hyukjae mumbled between kisses.

"shinwon!" hongseok exclaimed shocked. "you came to see juno." he smiled. shinwon shook his head no. "i really want to come and stay with you guys and juno but i came down here because something came up." he sighed his breath shaking. "what happend?" hongseok asked looking at shinwon concerned. "hyung, our parents did something bad. they tried to-they tried to kill hyung and his boyfriend." shinwon said shaking. "hoetaek got a boyfriend and they did that. i have to go see him right now." hongseok fretted. "hyung, they won't let us see _jinho-hyung_ and his boyfriend."shinwon said grabbing hongseok by the shoulders. "it was jinho!" he exclaimed, shinwon nodded, "stay here hyung, we'll call you if they let us see him."

the three boys in the waiting room were watching the news when they saw a headline, 'Jo Jinho, 19 and boyfriend Jeremiah Kim Ababio, 18, almost murdered by parents.' they listened to the woman reporting carefully. 

_'tonight Jo Jinho, 19, and Jeremiah Ababio, 18, were almost murdered by parents from both sides Jo Haewon, 47, Jo Hyunshik, 52, Kim Jooeun, 30, and Gregory Ababio, 59. We have recived no information on their condition but Ababio's brother, Samuel Kim Arredondo, 9 is safe.'_


	23. you wanna make yourself go through the pain

happiness is almost here

and it's almost gonna stay

but remember

the worst word in the english language

is almost.

***

"jo jinho?" the doctor called. the four boys stood up at the speed of light. "come this way." she smirked. as they walked in they saw a wounded but awake jeremiah cuddling with a passed out jinho in a hospital bed. jeremiah bowed from where he was on jinho's bed. "hello." he smiled his voice hoarse, he had a bandage on his head and several bruises along his visible body. "hello hyung." they greeted, yanan wiping his tears harshly. "how is he?" shinwon asked sitting down in a chair. "he jumped in front of me when they started using the weapons, he's got a few cut wounds from the knife your mother was using, and he had lots of punches thrown at him, but my dad knocked him out with a chair right before the police came." jeremiah explained sadly. "did-did he say a-anything?" yanan asked changgu hugging him from the side. "not while we were in the house but when we were driving their he said something, it's the only thing i remember him saying the entire ride," jeremiah said looking at jinho pitifully, "he said _'i screwed up, jer, they hate me, but i love the_ _m_.' thats all he said, it took me a while to figure out what he was talking about but, it was you guys he was reffering too."

hyukjae and jongwoon drove to the hospital at the speed of light once their shifts were over. "can you tell us the room for jo jinho and jeremiah ababio?" jongwoon panted, heechul was coming over to the hospital later with samuel. "room 210" the nurse smiled at the duo. the rushed up to the second floor bowing to the doctors and nurses they saw along the way. when they reached the room they were glad to see jeremiah conscious. they nocked on the door softly. jiwon opened the door. "hello." he bowed eyeing them confused. "hello, I'm the dispatcher who received samuel-ssi's call." hyukjae greeted. "is samuel okay?" jeremiah asked. "yes he's fine, he's at the station with another dispatcher right now but he'll be here soon." jongwoon smiled. "i'm hyukjae's husband by the way." he added. "is there any specific reason you're here?" changgu asked. "well, we spoke with mr. choi, and found out that there isn't much room in his house. jongwoon and i have a very big house, and we were wondering if you guys would be open to living with us until you decide not too?" hyukjae smiled worriedly at the small boy. "i-i don't know sir, we would have to make sure the others are okay with it." shinwon said softly. "mr. choi has asked your youngest brothers who agreed and so did those who came to the station so it's really up to you, jeremiah and samuel will be staying with us for now too, per Samuels request." jongwoon smiled crossing his arms, the group of the boys had a quick discussion before deciding that it would be for the best. "now as long as jinho agrees, we will be your legal guardians." hyukjae smiled.

heechul arrived with Samuel on his back about thirty minutes later. "jer-jer!" samuel giggled running over happily. jeremiah carefully picked him up and set him on his lap. "is jinho-hyung still not awake?" he asked cutely, just as he said that jinho groaned opening his eyes. "hyung." shinwon ran over to his side. "hi shinwonnie." He smiled softly, shinwon didn't flinch at the name. "are you the only one who came?" jinho asked sadly. "no hyung, yanan, changgu, jiwon, samuel , and some really nice police people are here too." he smiled holding jinho's cold hand. "yanan's here? I thought he was mad at me." jinho asked his brain still kind of out of it. "no no he's not mad, he actually feels really bad, do you want to talk to him?" shinwon asked. jinho nodded slightly as yanan came over and leaned down in front of the eldest.

as yanan and jinho talked, shinwon noticed a journal on the chair with jinho's clothes. he assumed it was jinho's but picked it up anyways. what was inside shocked him, there were very interesting journal entries, with dates.


	24. its better to be held then holding on, no whoa we're in the rain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it's so short my head was fried when i wrote this

happy

oh how i've missed you

you we're almost gone

maybe almost isn't that bad  
***

it was there first day home and it was great. hyukjae and jongwoon had two kittens. they had an arts and crafts room/hang out room. the boys loved it. hyukjae and jongwoon always made sure they got to school on time, the first time in a while changgu had gone to school, so hyukjae went with him. they were finally all loved.

jinho noticed something in his notebook, someone had left comments on them. he couldn't tell who it was until he saw one comment. shinwon. shinwon wrote them.

samuel had fallen in love with jiwon. always flirting with him when he came over, causing shinwon to tell him to 'back off his man.'

hyojong had moved into a small house with hyuna, hongseok, crystal, and juno. they came over to 'help' with juno. a.k.a live rent free.

one day, jongwoon and changgu went shopping. just basic grocery shopping, but suddenly, changgu hid behind jongwoon. "what's wrong?" jongwoon asked grabbing a cart of eggs. "there's a girl here I like," changgu mumbled into jongwoons back. "just act normal." jongwoon chuckled as changgu let go him. "oh! jongkook-hyung!" jongwoon challed to his built friend, and changgu punches him straight in the arm, that's when jongwoon realized, changgu likes jongkooks daughter, kim chungha. "oh jongwoon." jongkook walked over, chungha right behind him. "changgu," chungha greeted. "chungha-noona." changgu blushed. "oh you know changgu?" jongkook asked. chungha nodded. "here why don't you two get something from Starbucks while jongwoon and I talk." jongkook said handing chungha he's wallet walking away. 

"what do you want?" chungha asked looking at the menu, "a white chocalate americano." changgu said quietly. they got there drinks and sitting at a table. "i'm glad you came back to school." chungha said looking up from her phone. changgu chocked on his drink harshly. "o-okay." He mumbled.

jiwon and shinwon were curled up with samuel watching spongebob. samuel had fallen asleep so it was just jiwon and shinwon with a bean in between them. they were kissing eachother roughly. and they moved upstairs without samuel. there make out session continued. when jiwon moaned, he was embarrassed but shinwon didn't care. let's just say, shinwon is now the fourth jo brother to lose his virginity.

when jongwoon and jongkook came back they weren't expecting to see chungha slam her lips onto changgus. neither was changgu to be honest. and what changgu did after was even more shocking. he kissed her again.

when jongwoon and changgu got home, changgu immediately went up to his room, and screamed in his pillow. while jongwoon ran over to the brothers and hyukjae who were around the living room. "changgu kissed a girl." he said,  
  
  
  



	25. in this falling rain i fill the scattered you

the most beautiful word;

almost

***

"he what!" they screeched. "who?" hyunggu asked excitedly. "Kim chungha, jongkook's daughter." he smiled, but was quite shocked when yanan shouted something. "he kissed principal kim's daughter!" jongkook's wife, kim song jihyo, was the principal of the high school. jongwoon nodded. squeals filled the room. even jinho was excited.

it was time for changgu's birthday, March 27, shinwon was helping hyukjae and jongwoon set up the party, he hadn't gone to school in months, so he just decided to drop out, he couldn't handle school it was to much for him, he might go back later but for now, he doesn't go to a school.

"what does changgu like?" hyukjae asked as they got in the car. "he likes art, painting mainly." shinwon smiled, the picture of all of them showing up in his mind. "really?" hyukjae asked pulling into the store. "yeah, I remember one time hyojong-hyung almost killed him because he got acrylic paint all over his bed." shinwon laughed. hyukjae smiled getting out of the car. they went straight to the art store.

changgu came home late that day, he was hanging out with _chungha_. everyone was hiding in the dark waiting for him to come home. when he opened the door and turned the lights on he was met with people singing happy birthday while jinho and ueremiah walked over with a chocolate cake. "happy birthday changgu!" they yelled all wiping frosting on his face. until hongseok pointed something out "is that a lipstick mark??!!" He yelled pointing at a mark on the side of his mouth. "why do you little ones have a better love life than I do." mr. choi chuckled hugging changgu.

"presents time!" shinwon yelled five bags in each hand same with jiwon. changgu smiled and sat down on the floor to open his presents. he wasn't shocked at the loads of art supplies he recivided but he was shocked at the last present, from jinho. it was a camera, and a photo book. when changgu opened the photo book he was expecting emptiness but rather, he saw a picture of jinho on the way home from the hospital, and there was one for all of them, and pictures of when they adopted yanan and yuto. as he turned the pages of the books there were picture of their birthdays, and other big events or just stupid photos taken secretly, but the last photo was the photo he painted of all of them. the last photo of all of them, the one he painted.

they asked mr. choi and the other boys to take a photo of them, by them he of course meant the brothers but they had more family know, the kittens hyukjae and jongwoon had, the couple themselves, jeremiah and samuel, jun and jiwon, crystal and little baby Juno, they were all finally a family, and as the picture was taken it was added to the photo book. 

late that night, when they were all presumably sleeping, changgu took the picture out of the photo book, and went to the arts and crafts room where all his gifts had been moved. he grabbed a canvas and a pencil, with the photo propped up next to him. he set a quiet timer on his phone, and started to draw the outline of the picture. then the details, that was all he ended up getting done that night.

this continued for nights on end, he would hide the painting during the day and do a step at a time at night. by the end of March he was getting ready to do the people. and he was so happy. because in that photo, everyone was smiling, in the original almost no one did.


	26. so i could see how beautiful you are, no whoa

the light at the end of the tunnel

the rainbow after the rain

we've found it

we found it  
***

one day changgu finished it, it was the first week of April, jinhos birthday was coming up. and suddenly, one morning, there was a painting above the tv. of the family, and there was a signature on the bottom that read Jo Changgu.

they went shopping that day, shinwon and changgu did. they were in charge of grocery shopping that day. a.k.a they were supposed to only be grocery shopping but were gonna get loads of stuff for juno and then get food.

they went to the baby store right away. they were looking through baby toys when an old lady approached them. "can you shop somewhere else?" she asked glaring at them. "why?" shinwon asked looking at her kindly. "these baby toys don't need to be affected by the gay disease." she spat. "we're shopping for our niece." shinwon said calmly. "i don't care get your gay asses out of here." she yelled getting everyone's attention. "ma'am we're just shopping for our brothers daughter, if you want a gay couple to yell at I'll call my boyfriend to come." shinwon said going back to looking at the toys. the owner of the shop kicked the lady out and apologized to the two saying that they could get whatever they want, on the house.

after buying half the store they went to the grocery store, and then back home, calling hongseok and telling him that he had to bring crystal, juno, hyuna, and hyojong over.

the elder arrived at the house with the others soon after. when they arrived jongwoon, yanan, jun, and jiwon were cooking dinner, shinwon and changgu were opening Juno's gifts, hyukjae was at work, hoetaek and samuel were playing just dance, and jeremiah was helping jinho put his knee brace on.

they all briefly hugged before shinwon and changgu started showing juno the toys they bought her. jiwon smiled at shinwon as he played with juno. he stared at him sweetly until he cut his finger rather than an onion. "ah!" he yelled running over to the sink and running cold water over his finger. shinwon ran over right away. "are you okay babe?" He asked grabbing a band aid and putting it on jiwon finger. "jiwon out." jongwoon said helping him take his apron off.

jiwon and shinwon were playing with juno as crystal and hongseok took some time to act like the teens they were. jiwon was so happy, shinwon was very cute with kids. everyone knew that.

when the couples and baby juno went home, they all cuddled up for a movie. jun and yanan were cuddling with wooseok, jinho and jeremiah were cuddling with hyunggu, shinwon and jiwon were with changgu, yuto and hoetaek we're cuddled on the end of the couch, and samuel was upstairs in bed with jongwoon. half way through the movie hyukjae came home, and joined them on the couch.

the next morning shinwon read jinho's journal again. he had a very poetic way of writing. but then, he got to a part he hadn't read. it had a date he had already read but the words were different. the emotions were the same, the sadness in his words was the same, but it was written different. and as he read through the first one his mind went back in time, to when they were all little kids, jinho's fifteenth birthday. shinwon got him a leather journal. the same one that was in his hands. well a replica the first one had been filled long ago. but shinwon had a memory for every word in that poem. you must be wondering what the poem was, it was short yet long; the poem was this:

**_the rain is enchanting_ **   
**_gives him an escape_ **   
**_lets him breathe_ **   
**_one, in_ **   
**_two_ **   
**_three_ **   
**_four_ **   
**_five, out_ **   
**_repeat_ **   
**_his eyes chasing the raindrops_ **   
**_down his bedroom window_ **   
**_lets his mind have a break_ **   
**_all he can think about is the rain_ **


	27. we're in the rain

  
  
  
he's in the rain; the story of Jo Shinwon

with poems

written by Jo Jinho

_the end_


	28. epilouge

  
no story ever ends

but here's where

I stop telling it

***  
 _ten years later;_

crystal and hongseok broke up after crystal had become addicted to drugs, hongseok got full custody over juno and was now dating a boy about a month older than him named kim myungjun, myungjun was very nice and loved juno and hongseok a lot. hongseok and myungjun were coworkers at a game design company.

hyuna and hyojong got got married when hyojong turned nineteen about eight years ago. hyuna gave birth to three boys, jo jisoo, seven, jo sungwoon, four, and jo donghyun, one. they lived in a big house, and jisoo was a very cute rapper. hyojong was working at the grocery store and as an underground rapper while hyuna worked as a mail lady and underground performer.

hoetaek had moved out eight months after they started living with hyukjae and jongwoon, he was now a well known ,music producer who wrote hit songs for big bands. he has two daughters with his wife soojin. his daughters were jo seulgi and jo hyunjin, twins, three. soojin was also a music producer.

hyukjae and jongwoon adopted a three year old girl, abby, six years ago, who was now nine. abby and wooseok were the best of friends and still are. the couple still worked at the police station but had shorter shifts.

mr.choi finally found a mrs, who he lived with until being moved into a hospital at the age of sixty. his kids and all of the Jo's visit him often, he's known as gramppy choi between the kids.

yuto now worked as a school counselor and tutored foreign kids in korean, he got married to a classmate named ju harin. they don't have any kids currently but are in the adoption process.

hyunggu had gone to rehab for his addiction but was now back and healthy, he was dating a boy named wang yibo who was about a year older than him. he was living in an apartment with yibo, and was going to college while working part time at a café.

yanan and jun were married. they were currently fostering a baby named bang junhyuk. they had moved into a small house, and had three cats as well. yanan got a job as a chinese teacher at the same school yuto worked at. jun was working as a dance instructor.

wooseok was a police officer in training,he really loved watching police shows and decided to be one. he had come to terms with being aromatic and asexual, and was living in the apartment across from hyunggu and yibo.  
  
changgu was a professional artist, as well as working at a preschool. he got married a man name baek juno, they have one son, baek bobby jungsoo, two, and a daughter baek jenny yeongja. juho worked as a mechanic with yuto's husband.

and finnaly, jo shinwon. shinwon was now a stylist for idols and movies, jiwon was a make up artist for idols and movies. they had five sons so far, all adopted of course, they were all under the age of six, kwanghee, 5, jinyoung, 4, isaac, 4, joshua, 3, and donghee, 1. 

there's one more thing you should know before I stop telling shinwon's story;

he died when he was 85, a normal age to die at, and jiwon died with him, but the kids survived.

from the day he was born every big event happened in the rain. everything big happened in the rain, it rained when he got married, when they adopted each kid, and everything happened in the rain. except for how he died. shinwon died from a fire.

_jo shinwon was the boy in the rain, yet he went out in a flame._


End file.
